Eye Of The Tiger

I am sitting in the Salt Lake City Airport as I type this. I'm on my way home for a trip to see The Minister. I'm very near to comatose. I HATE flying, so I always try to get flights early in the morning. Then I spend the day before forcing myself to stay up all night packing and cleaning my apartment. That way I can sleep on the plane and save myself hours of anxiety. Pretty nifty routine, right? Mostly it works, but it isn't fool proof. When you are about to drop from exhaustion airport security is not the best place to be. I find myself asking them to repeat themselves a lot. Apparently asking the blue-haired ( no, really the tips of her weave are blue!), lady to repeat what she just said is a no no. I thought they were gonna tackle me for not taking off my jacket before going through the metal detector. Craziness. Well I made it through security and even boarded my flight out of New Orleans. Pretty uneventful flight because I was knocked out as soon as I sat down and buckled my seat belt. Now I'm waiting for my next flight and there is a toddler in front of me. I swear this kid has the "eye of the tiger". He's staring me down and not blinking. I should feel ashamed that I just got beat in a stare-down by a freaky little airport kid, but all I can think is. "It's the eye of the tiger, it's the thrill of the fight, rising up to challenge of our rivals!"
Pathetic I know. I typed this whole post on my cell. I'm getting better at this. Time to board for the final flight to CA. Hopefully the previously mentioned freaky kid isn't sitting next to me. There is something wrong about that little chump!

OINK, OINK

I know I have been pretty lazy with my updates recently. I don't have a good excuse. I guess I've been busy but not Obama busy so there really is no excuse. Hmmmm a lot has happened since my last update. Nothing truly life changing or worthy of blogging about. The same random craziness that makes up my life.
I had a post not too long ago about my current book club pick, One Hundred Years of Solitude , . I have tried and not been able to get into this book. I have been told it is a classic and I'm missing out, but I am just not getting it. Apparently I'm not an enlightened reader. I've been reading everything but the book I'm supposed to be reading. Here's a little something funny. See if you can follow my stream of thought. I went to see The Proposal starring Sandra Bullock a couple of weeks ago and then a little more recently I went to see The Ugly Truth with Katherine Heigle. While I could take or leave The Proposal I really liked The Ugly Truth. I started wondering why I liked one so much but not the other. On the surface they are not that different. Both are romantic comedies or chick flicks, both starring actresses I like, neither one is going to win any awards. I have concluded that the main reason I liked the second movie better than the first is because of the raunch factor. I liked that they curse and talk about sex. I like that they have a scene where the main character has an orgasm in a crowded restaurant. You'll never have a scene like that in a Sandra Bullock movie. Now as I was analyzing this my eyes landed on a book I bought some time ago. The title is Female Chauvinist Pigs:Women and the Rise of Raunch Culture. It seemed almost too perfect. So I'm currently reading this book and trying to determine if I'm a female chauvinist pig. I'm a little ways into the book and I must say, right now it's looking like a yes. I'm not broken up about it. I drink more than I should, curse more than two people should, I love to hear a good dirty joke and I know the value of potty humor. I once walked into a friend's apartment and found a room full of men watching porn. I could have turned around and apologized for interrupting their "male bonding" but I was fascinated. I swear to you, no one I know would do the things the girl on screen was doing. I felt it was my civic duty to explain to them that women didn't really like that. Sometimes men act like they don't understand that the woman on screen is getting paid to pretend she likes that crap. Plus they had pizza and booze. So I sat down in a room of 5 men and calmly ate pizza, drank beer and Jameson and discussed porn. I'm not even a little sorry I did it. I learned a lot and it was a non-sexual experience. I told a friend this story and she was horrified for about 3 seconds then fascinated. On the flip side. I go to church most Sundays, I don't sleep around, I don't dress in revealing clothes. I have never been offended when a door is opened for me, but I don't mind opening my own door. I pay my own bills every month, own my car and feel I'm a pretty independent woman. I don't get nervous going to a crowded restaurant and eating alone or catching a movie alone. I know how to change a flat tire on my SUV but I prefer to pay for Roadside Assistance. I live alone by choice, but love when my male friends come to visit and dump my garbage for me. Strange, strange, strange. I'll keep you all updated on what my final decision is. I don't think I'm the only one either. Now the discussing porn with a room full of men might be unique to me, but the other stuff is not so odd. I know many women who lead similar lives.

You Dropped a Bomb On Me!

Today I'm doing something a little different. I'm giving a much deserved shout out to my own personal glam squad. Yeah I said it. The Pauper Princess has a glam squad. Now because I'm poor of course my squad is on a budget. Lucky for me I have Pauper Tip #1...."Work your connections!" In my case that means take advantage of the fact that I have a super talented make-up artist cousin. My cousin Colijia is the shit when it comes to hooking up a look. She is a certified make up artist and consultant. And because she can't stand to see her people, ie.. me looking a hot mess she teaches me how to do my make up. She also breaks a sistah off with some really cool and expensive MAC make-up on occasion. I do love the products but lets face it MAC ain't for the broke! So being the diva she is, Colijia will also alert me to lower cost items that work good enough for an amateur like me. She even gave myself and some friends a make up consultation and application class the last time she came to visit. I may be a pauper but no one has better make-up than the Princess when I use the skills and products she recommends. So now I'm just as proud as can be to let you all know that she and a fellow make up artist, Starlynn, have started their own company. The name of the company is Bombshell Beauty.They are really talented and because we know there is a recession they are affordable. So to get things rolling for folks not near them they have set up a couple of tutorials on youtube. Yes I am shamelessly plugging them, but they are worth it. So checkout the video I've tried to embed. I really hope it works. If not someone with blogger know how needs to tell me how to embed a youtube video. Also subscribe to them on youtube because they are going to be posting a lot more tutorials.

Friday, Friday

It's Friday y'all. I've had a long crazy week. It's only 2 pm and I feel like it is 6pm already. It seems as if the Universe itself is aligning to help me feel better after last weekend's emotional upheaval. Mr Bunny has been on his best behavior which is definitely not his norm. I'm making some progress on my project at school and I was able to pay all my bills this month without help from my fam. So all in all pretty good. I'm still worried about my friend, but there isn't anything else I can do. I call her cell everyday when I get home from school. Sometimes she answers, sometimes she doesn't. I'm not sure which is worse. Talking to her and hearing how far she is from her normal sane self or not talking to her and wondering if she is hurt. And this too shall pass! My little two year old nephew learned how to speed dial me this week. So I did receive a call at 1:30 in the morning because he woke up in the middle of the night while everyone was asleep and decided to call me. It would have been 11:30 his time.
Another cute thing that happened this week is that I had a kitten for 3 days. Growing up I always had cats and I do miss that. On Tuesday morning when I came back from Bootcamp there was a little black and white kitten sitting on my porch. He was a little skittish when I leaned down to pet him, but he came around. I noticed he was very skinny and pretty dirty. I ran inside and got him some lunchmeat and water. He ate it and then ran into the bushes. So that evening when I returned home I looked for him. Sure enough he was sleeping under a neighbor's car. I gave him a little more water and the last of my lunchmeat. I doubted he would eat Mr. Bunny's food. On Wednesday I asked my neighbors if he belonged to them, but noone knew where he came from. Wednesday night I made tuna casserole for dinner. It wasn't that good becuase I used soy milk instead of regular milk. Oh well, by the time it was finished I was starving so I ate it. Well Thursday morning the little kitten, who by this time I was calling Oreo, was waiting on my doorstep again. I figured he could eat some of the tuna casserole. I know it's not the optimum meal for a cat, but hey it's better than air-bisquits. Well Oreo didn't think so. A starving cat won't even eat my cooking. Classic! He looked at me like I was trying to poison him. Times like this I miss my baby brother because he would have eaten it. Of course he would only be doing it because A) he didn't have to make it and B) he would need to be accurate in his description when he retold the story about how nasty it was! Well apparently it was nasty enough for Oreo to find a better place to get his meals. I haven't seen him since he decided tuna casserole was not for him.

Not sure what to call this one

This is more of a rant than a post. I'm really frustrated and kind of sad. I have a friend that I've known since freshman year of undergrad. She was my roommate when I got my first apartment off campus. Well sadly this weekend, I found out that she has deteriorated mentally. She is currently in a paranoid state and travelling aimlessly. She called me for the first time in about a year and a half and she didn't sound well. I asked her to let me help her and she wasn't cooperative. Finally I called the police in her state and asked them to send an ambulance to her. She refused treatment and is now travelling somewhere else. I am very worried about her and I feel helpless. I know that ultimately I can't help her until she is ready to be helped, but it still worries me. So that is why I'm sad at the moment.
I'm also steaming hot because a second friend of mine showed me the true extent of her selfishness. I have always known she was a self-centered and selfish person, but I guess I deluded myself about the extent of it. Every other friend I have that has met her, comments on how selfish she is, but I always defended her. I mean I have no illusions about myself (well maybe a few.. I still believe that I could marry The Rock and be quite happy!) I know that I can be self-centered sometimes as well. I guess I just assumed she was only really selfish for unimportant stuff and that if there were a true emergency or something important she would rise above it and do "what's right". I was so very wrong. Part of the reason I'm mad is because she has never hidden her selfish behavior. I blame myself for not paying attention to what she has shown me via her behavior for years. This is one of those situations where I think I'm just as much to blame as her because I refused to see what was apparent to everyone else. I know I'll get over it in a few days, but I'll never be as willingly blind again. Hopefully!
On a better note. I have been kind of a slacker in my bootcamp. There are two instructors and one of them makes a point of standing next to me often when he is calling out the exercises, then eyeballing me to make sure I'm keeping up. Usually I'm not keeping up. If we do 55 sit-ups I probably only complete 40. Twenty-five squats usually turns into about 18. You get the picture. When we run I'm usually in the last group coming in. Well I was so frustrated and angry about last weekend events that this week I have moved into the middle group. Seriously y'all I had my "Eye of the Tiger" game-face on. I was working off some major frustration. The instructor even went so far as to tell me I was "on fire!" If you believe in prayer please add my dear friend and myself to your prayer lists.

Boot Camp Update and Micheal Jackson

I haven't been posting the last couple of days for a number of reasons. I started my BootCamp on Monday. It is really kicking my butt. I'm gonna stick with it though. Hopefully I'll be able to keep up a reduced workout schedule once my month is over. I'm not the worst one in the class but I can give her a high five without extending my arm all the way. Oh well. I think this is good for me. I needed to kick start my exercise program and this is a very strong kick in the behind.
I am still processing the whole Michael Jackson is dead thing. I was in the mall when I found out. It sounds silly but it was kind of in slow motion. This girl next to me at the Sephora store let out a shriek and started babbling about how she couldn't believe it. Me being the nosy person I am, asked her what was wrong. Her sister had just sent her a text that Michael was dead. It took a minute to sink in. I found myself strangely sad. Not in the dramatic throw yourself on the coffin way but a little more than the "a human being just left this earth" way. I don't know if I'm making sense. Whenever I hear about any death I feel a base level of sadness. Mostly for the surviving relatives and friends and just acknowledging that a fellow being is no longer alive. This was a little more than that. Maybe the kind of sadness associated with an acquaintance, but not a relative. Which is strange in and of itself because I never met him. I've decided the sadness is mostly because when I forget about the most recent scandals associated with him I can remember good things. I remember excellent parts of my childhood that involved his music. Kind of like if your Grandma always baked pumpkin pie for Christmas and you randomly smell pumpkin pie baking you think of Christmas with Grandma. So without further ado here is a short list of thank yous for the now deceased Michael Jackson.

• Thank you for the hours I spent singing ABC and Rockin' Robyn into my pink portable "sing with me" cassette player and matching microphone.
• Thank you for Thriller and the memory I have of a lot of my extended family gathered around the t.v. watching it. I remember my baby brother who would be embarrassed to know that I remember he was afraid of the werewolf. He grabbed my leg. Strangely the zombies didn't bother him.
• Thank you for the genius that is PYT that song has been in heavy rotation with me since I first heard it.
  
• The moonwalk. I never could get it right but my older brother could do it.
• Red or black zipper jackets. I wanted one so bad because my brothers had them. My aunt did buy me a sequined glove to make up for the fact that I didn't get the jacket.
• Thanks for the countless bruises to my shin whenever I didn't judge distance correctly trying to do your dances. I kicked many tables and chairs in my quest to "do the Michael Jackson".
• Thanks for the black eye I got when my younger brother and I re-enacted the knife fight from Beat It using a jump rope to tie our hands and licorice as knives. His hand slipped and he clocked me a good one.
  
• Thanks for always putting on a performance worthy of the excitement I felt when I knew you were going to perform.
• Thanks for being a hot mess after plastic surgery so I knew I better love my face because surgery doesn't always improve.
  
• This last thank you is a little sad, but here goes. Thanks for providing fodder for countless Michael Jackson jokes as the years wore on. I should be ashamed because some of the jokes were inspired by your no doubt drug induced behavior, but they were funny and I laughed.

I hope you are at peace now. I went to a bar on Saturday and the DJ played three and a half hours of Michael's music. I danced the night away and just celebrated with a room full of people who felt the same way I did. Michael and his music was just such a fixture in my life I never even considered he wouldn't be around anymore. I'm sorry your life was so troubled, but I'm very happy that I have a long list of things to thank you for.

Way Down in the Jungle Deep....

Points to anyone who knows off the top of their head where I got the heading to my post. Last night was a pretty relaxed night for me. I went to Target to get the things I need for my bootcamp. I'm getting nervous as the time to start gets closer. The trainer, Jonas, specified exercise mats not yoga mats. What's the difference you might ask? Ten to fifteen dollars that's what. I spent about 20 minutes molesting exercise and yoga mats in the store to determine the difference between the two. There is a big enough difference in price that I need to be sure it's worth it. I finally bit the bullet and picked out one of the "exercise" mats. Of course I chose the one that was only $10 more expensive than the yoga mat. I also needed dumbbells. He sent an email requesting that we bring 5-8 lb weights. I want 2-3 lb weights. I was gonna just say f' it and get the 2lb weights then pride stopped me. I don't want to be the only one with pink 2lb weights when everyone else is using five.
Later that night I met up with my friend Melanie. She is on my kickball team and she is an archaeologist. I love that the closest most people get to an archaeologist is watching Indiana Jones, but I know several and they are all women. Look out now! Anyway we decided to drink cheap but delicious box wine and watch......ready for it ....Dolemite!!! Yes, we watched the epic blaxpoitation flick. Rudy Ray Moore at his peak. I'm sure I just set black folks back a couple of generations but I do love these movies. They are vulgar, the acting is usually bad, and they are totally not politically correct. I don't care.