This is more of a rant than a post. I'm really frustrated and kind of sad. I have a friend that I've known since freshman year of undergrad. She was my roommate when I got my first apartment off campus. Well sadly this weekend, I found out that she has deteriorated mentally. She is currently in a paranoid state and travelling aimlessly. She called me for the first time in about a year and a half and she didn't sound well. I asked her to let me help her and she wasn't cooperative. Finally I called the police in her state and asked them to send an ambulance to her. She refused treatment and is now travelling somewhere else. I am very worried about her and I feel helpless. I know that ultimately I can't help her until she is ready to be helped, but it still worries me. So that is why I'm sad at the moment.
I'm also steaming hot because a second friend of mine showed me the true extent of her selfishness. I have always known she was a self-centered and selfish person, but I guess I deluded myself about the extent of it. Every other friend I have that has met her, comments on how selfish she is, but I always defended her. I mean I have no illusions about myself (well maybe a few.. I still believe that I could marry The Rock and be quite happy!) I know that I can be self-centered sometimes as well. I guess I just assumed she was only really selfish for unimportant stuff and that if there were a true emergency or something important she would rise above it and do "what's right". I was so very wrong. Part of the reason I'm mad is because she has never hidden her selfish behavior. I blame myself for not paying attention to what she has shown me via her behavior for years. This is one of those situations where I think I'm just as much to blame as her because I refused to see what was apparent to everyone else. I know I'll get over it in a few days, but I'll never be as willingly blind again. Hopefully!
On a better note. I have been kind of a slacker in my bootcamp. There are two instructors and one of them makes a point of standing next to me often when he is calling out the exercises, then eyeballing me to make sure I'm keeping up. Usually I'm not keeping up. If we do 55 sit-ups I probably only complete 40. Twenty-five squats usually turns into about 18. You get the picture. When we run I'm usually in the last group coming in. Well I was so frustrated and angry about last weekend events that this week I have moved into the middle group. Seriously y'all I had my "Eye of the Tiger" game-face on. I was working off some major frustration. The instructor even went so far as to tell me I was "on fire!" If you believe in prayer please add my dear friend and myself to your prayer lists.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
Oh - I'm so sorry to hear your friend isn't doing well. It's so hard to see it and not be able to do anything to help. The fact you reached out and let her know you were there was all you could do and I hope somewhere inside, the part of her that knew you, recognized that.
Don't be too hard on yourself - we all want to believe the best about people. Now you know and can act on that knowledge.
Thank goodness you have Bootcamp to work some of this out! I happen to be an exercise cheater myself.... I think it's marvelous you are simply showing up and you keep working! It's the big picture, not the details that is important.
Be well - you and your friend are in my thoughts...
Shanster,
Thanks for the good thoughts. I'm becoming more ok by the day. I have begun trying to call my friend everyday when I get home. Sometimes she answers and sometimes she doesn't. My funk didn't hang around too long.
Post a Comment