Booze, Babies and Showers

Baby Fever has come to southern Louisiana.  I know a couple of women who are "the big P" right now.  So everyone knows that pregnant friends means the obligatory baby gift and shower.  I have no problem buying a gift to help a friend get ready for their own personal bundle of joy.  It's the showers that work my nerves.   And here's why:

1. The color scheme is always pink, blue or yellow, or the dreaded combo of these colors. (truthfully I just threw up a little in my mouth)
2. The games.   Who decided it was a good idea for grown women to play ridiculous and nauseating childish games?  I so want to tell the mama to be "Shoot your little seed out and make them play this shit!"
3. Current mothers.  The most annoying people at the shower are always the women who have  at least one child and feel that makes them an expert on all things vag and child related.  The fact that they feel this way is not a problem.  Their need to offer endless antecdotes and unsolicited advice is what drives me.   I have no kids but I do in fact have a working vag!! In fact, the argument could be made that I know more about it 'cause I knew not to stretch it out and abuse it with a shitload of younguns! Sometimes I just want to say, "your kid is a freak of nature that will be beaten up in junior high, pass the chips and dip!"  But you can't say these things.  So I smile, nod occasionally and keep my mouth occupied with food.
4. Gifts.  Why must each gift be passed around and  oohhed over?  Just open it and hold it up.  Then add that shit to the pile.  I could live my life without having to discuss how usefull the new diaper genie is.
5. Lack of alcohol!! Room full of grown women drinking watered down punch or soft drinks.  I understand why the mother to be can't drink, but what about me?   I don't mind splitting the ginger ale from my Maker's and Ginger with the knocked up guests.  It's not my fault you are preggers.  You did that shit to yourself.   I have been very responsible and managed not to get knocked up... that alone deserves a drink!! (If I ever decide to breed I will definitely serve alcohol at my baby shower.)  This might be my biggest issue with showers.  I think the addition of alcohol would go a long way towards making the previously mentioned things more palatable.

 I can't be the only one who feels this way.  So de-lurke and leave me a message.  If you think I'm completely wrong, then let me know why.  I don't want it to seem that I'm anti-baby because that isn't true.  I love babies and I'm always happy when my friends and family are able to experience the joy of life.  It's the showers I hate!!