Me and my big mouth caused a little family drama on Mother's Day. I didn't mean to, but there was major drama. It all started last Thursday night. Actually as I look at my text message list I see it was between 11:50pm on Thursday night and 12:10 am Friday morning. Anyone who knows me well, is well aware that I'm in bed by 9pm and asleep by 9:30pm most nights. So at almost midnight I've been asleep for hours and I'm talking good drooling on my pillow already kicked the covers off sleep. So here is the text conversation that took place.
That was the complete conversation. I went back to sleep until it was time for me to get dressed the next morning. So of course on Friday morning as I'm taking a shower it comes back to me. I rush through my shower and immediately dig out my phone to review the text conversation. Yep my way too young cousin is married. She is just 19 years old and just finished her sophmore year in college. Somehow I forgot to mention it to anyone most of the weekend. Fast forward to Sunday, I'm chatting it up to The Minister and she mentions that she has to call all of her sisters to wish them a happy Mother's Day. I don't know why, but it just slipped out. "I hope Aunt P (Cousin M's mom) is talking to Cousin M again." Of course my mother is wondering why she wouldn't be talking to her. So then I let it all out about the marriage. In my defense, who would assume it was a secret if she is sending out informative texts to people. People who were drooling on their own pillow and minding their own business I might add! Now my mother being the honesty police calls my Aunt P to find out what the deal is. Wait I'm getting ahead of myself. First there is a ten minute conversation in which I promise never to get married without giving my Mother the opportunity to be there. Even if it turns out to be a *gasp* sigh* "city hall wedding". Then there was a 15 minute three-way call to my Aunt J. Aunt J prides herself on being at the forefront of all family gossip. During this conversation we were informed that "No she had no idea Cousin M was married and furthermore Aunt P didn't mention it when they spoke this morning!" The situation has clearly escalated to code red. As the two of them are getting worked up, I'm starting to get that little tingle in the back of my neck. You know the one that says in braille "You fucked up fool!" So I send a desperate text to Cousin M that goes something like. I hope your marriage wasn't suppose to be a secret cause I told my Mom and she's on a fact finding mission. By the time I get this text out The Minister is calling Aunt P. Well turns out Cousin M is at her mom's house for the summer.
Cousin M: Me n my bf got married.
Me: Congrats. Tonight?
Cousin M: Yesterday
Me:Wow. R U Happy?
Cousin M: Yes.... very. My mom isn't talking to me right now.
Me: She will get over it. Congrats
Drama rama. Aunt P is all butt-hurt that her "only daughter" didn't include her in her wedding. Of course Aunt P forgets that she eloped once upon a time long ago. This sparks a three-way conversation between me, the Minister, and Aunt P. Mostly the Minister and Aunt P, I was just kind of hoping the conversation didn't swing back to me. I can't remember all that was said, but I do recall promising once again that upon threat of a painful "size 7.5 stilleto pump to the neck" I would never get married without giving the Minister every opportunity to be there. The conversation finally ended with my aunt tearfully expressing her pain at not being at "her only daughter's wedding" even if it was to a peanut headed boy that she didn't really like! and the Minister quoting scripture about the benefits of marriage. I tuned out when the convo swung around to planning a reception for the family to meet "this boy Cousin M married".
You can't write this kind of shit. How was I to know that an unsolicited text message in the middle of the night was supposed to be kept secret? Jeeze
2 comments:
Well yeah, hello? You were blind sided! Tho' I had to chuckle thinking Oh, no... Foxxy is a devil on her own shoulder pushing the envelope with her family!!!
I dunno. I think you brought it out and probably saved Cousin M all those days of anguish trying to figure out how to drop that bombshell.
You totally did her a favor! The 7.5" stiletto to the neck was hilarious by the way!!! Great post!
Shanster-- The drama continues. A totally different cousin called me last night to make fun of me for getting the shit started. I wasn't the only one stuck making promises to never get married without my mother around. What can I say. I have a gift.
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