Boot Camp Update and Micheal Jackson

I haven't been posting the last couple of days for a number of reasons. I started my BootCamp on Monday. It is really kicking my butt. I'm gonna stick with it though. Hopefully I'll be able to keep up a reduced workout schedule once my month is over. I'm not the worst one in the class but I can give her a high five without extending my arm all the way. Oh well. I think this is good for me. I needed to kick start my exercise program and this is a very strong kick in the behind.
I am still processing the whole Michael Jackson is dead thing. I was in the mall when I found out. It sounds silly but it was kind of in slow motion. This girl next to me at the Sephora store let out a shriek and started babbling about how she couldn't believe it. Me being the nosy person I am, asked her what was wrong. Her sister had just sent her a text that Michael was dead. It took a minute to sink in. I found myself strangely sad. Not in the dramatic throw yourself on the coffin way but a little more than the "a human being just left this earth" way. I don't know if I'm making sense. Whenever I hear about any death I feel a base level of sadness. Mostly for the surviving relatives and friends and just acknowledging that a fellow being is no longer alive. This was a little more than that. Maybe the kind of sadness associated with an acquaintance, but not a relative. Which is strange in and of itself because I never met him. I've decided the sadness is mostly because when I forget about the most recent scandals associated with him I can remember good things. I remember excellent parts of my childhood that involved his music. Kind of like if your Grandma always baked pumpkin pie for Christmas and you randomly smell pumpkin pie baking you think of Christmas with Grandma. So without further ado here is a short list of thank yous for the now deceased Michael Jackson.

• Thank you for the hours I spent singing ABC and Rockin' Robyn into my pink portable "sing with me" cassette player and matching microphone.
• Thank you for Thriller and the memory I have of a lot of my extended family gathered around the t.v. watching it. I remember my baby brother who would be embarrassed to know that I remember he was afraid of the werewolf. He grabbed my leg. Strangely the zombies didn't bother him.
• Thank you for the genius that is PYT that song has been in heavy rotation with me since I first heard it.
  
• The moonwalk. I never could get it right but my older brother could do it.
• Red or black zipper jackets. I wanted one so bad because my brothers had them. My aunt did buy me a sequined glove to make up for the fact that I didn't get the jacket.
• Thanks for the countless bruises to my shin whenever I didn't judge distance correctly trying to do your dances. I kicked many tables and chairs in my quest to "do the Michael Jackson".
• Thanks for the black eye I got when my younger brother and I re-enacted the knife fight from Beat It using a jump rope to tie our hands and licorice as knives. His hand slipped and he clocked me a good one.
  
• Thanks for always putting on a performance worthy of the excitement I felt when I knew you were going to perform.
• Thanks for being a hot mess after plastic surgery so I knew I better love my face because surgery doesn't always improve.
  
• This last thank you is a little sad, but here goes. Thanks for providing fodder for countless Michael Jackson jokes as the years wore on. I should be ashamed because some of the jokes were inspired by your no doubt drug induced behavior, but they were funny and I laughed.

I hope you are at peace now. I went to a bar on Saturday and the DJ played three and a half hours of Michael's music. I danced the night away and just celebrated with a room full of people who felt the same way I did. Michael and his music was just such a fixture in my life I never even considered he wouldn't be around anymore. I'm sorry your life was so troubled, but I'm very happy that I have a long list of things to thank you for.

Way Down in the Jungle Deep....

Points to anyone who knows off the top of their head where I got the heading to my post. Last night was a pretty relaxed night for me. I went to Target to get the things I need for my bootcamp. I'm getting nervous as the time to start gets closer. The trainer, Jonas, specified exercise mats not yoga mats. What's the difference you might ask? Ten to fifteen dollars that's what. I spent about 20 minutes molesting exercise and yoga mats in the store to determine the difference between the two. There is a big enough difference in price that I need to be sure it's worth it. I finally bit the bullet and picked out one of the "exercise" mats. Of course I chose the one that was only $10 more expensive than the yoga mat. I also needed dumbbells. He sent an email requesting that we bring 5-8 lb weights. I want 2-3 lb weights. I was gonna just say f' it and get the 2lb weights then pride stopped me. I don't want to be the only one with pink 2lb weights when everyone else is using five.
Later that night I met up with my friend Melanie. She is on my kickball team and she is an archaeologist. I love that the closest most people get to an archaeologist is watching Indiana Jones, but I know several and they are all women. Look out now! Anyway we decided to drink cheap but delicious box wine and watch......ready for it ....Dolemite!!! Yes, we watched the epic blaxpoitation flick. Rudy Ray Moore at his peak. I'm sure I just set black folks back a couple of generations but I do love these movies. They are vulgar, the acting is usually bad, and they are totally not politically correct. I don't care.

Naked Boo, I See You.. But I Don't Want To

Here is a bit of craziness that I've been stewing over since Friday. A friend or actually an acquaintance recently had hip surgery. Thankfully, everything turned out well and she is recovering rapidly. Well, myself and a couple others decided to stop by and visit her while she is home-bound for recovery. She was contacted and we set a date and time for us to visit. We brought drinks and snacks just to chit chat and keep her company for a few hours. She was really excited about the scheduled visit. I know this because coordinating this venture required dozens of emails back and forth between all of us. So Friday after school/work we all head over there at the appointed time. She is very gracious and happy to see us, but I get steamed as soon as I walk through the door. Wanna know why? I'll tell you! This woman is wearing a threadbare housecoat with nothing on underneath it. Totally, nasty, naked boo. Wouldn't have been so bad if the housecoat covered her adequately, but it didn't. There was a deep V in the front that gave you a generous view of her bra-less sagging breasts,(I mean these bad boys gave up the fight against gravity years ago), wide arm holes that showed off skin rolls down her side. And to top it off the housecoat had holes in different parts of it. So there was a whole lot of pink skin just showing through. I personally believe everyone should love their body no matter what it looks like. We all have imperfections, but and this is a very strong but. I don't want to see your nakedness just cause. I keep my shit covered up and you should too. I mean we ain't (yes this calls for bad grammar, that's how steamed I am) kin. What upsets me is that she knew we were coming. She set the date and time. We didn't just surprise her while she was minding her own business. I was offended. She could have at least put a slip or something on under the housecoat. The surgery was on her hip last I checked bra's don't touch the hip. WTF? I was getting hot, hot, hot. What to do? I couldn't just go off on her in her own home. People can dress the way they want in their own home. That's when it hit me. I have an apartment of my own where I am not looking at unwanted nakedness. So I immediately stood up, gathered my shit and went home. She may wonder why I left so soon. I wish she would ask me because I'm dying to tell her. You just don't do shit like that. I have recounted this story to The Minister and my friend De. Both of them chose to laugh at my outrage. Maybe I was a little too worked up, but god dawg don't people have "home training" anymore? She should know better. Moral of the story. If you are ever sick and recovering it would be my pleasure to come visit you and keep you company. That's what friends are for. Don't get too comfortable. If we were comfortable enough for skin privileges you would know. Chances are we aren't. Ahhhh.. I feel much better now that I got that out there.

Huh? What? Can't Hear You!

As I type this blog there is all kinds of craziness going on behind me. They are fixing/updating the air conditioning system in my building at school. That means that parts of the building are like walking into a swamp and other parts are arctic. My particular lab is about 82 degrees right now and that's with the help of a giant standing unit. This thing makes more noise than a freight train. One step into the sweltering hallway and I'm willing to put up with it for a while. I think I'll have to bring earplugs for the rest of the week. My lab mates and I have resorted to hand signals to communicate because of the noise.
My weekend was pretty nice. I went to see The Proposal on Saturday. I woke up my friends Roma and Alyson and convinced them to meet me at the 10:55 am showing. It was a pretty good movie. It was classic Sandra Bullock. Pretty predictable but still entertaining. Definitely a chick flick. I'm ok with that. I mean I read romance novels can't get more guilty pleasure than that. Also Ryan whatever his name is, looked good if you like clean-cut Kennedy style guys. I'm not so much into that. Anywho it was an enjoyable way to spend the morning with some of my girls.

To Booze or Not to Booze

I signed up to do one of those exercise bootcamps here in town. I don't know what exactly to expect. My bootcamp starts on the 29th of this month and ends the 24th of next month. It will be from 5:30am to 6:30am Monday to Friday. Crazy I know. I just wanted something to help me kick-start my exercise routine. I was very blase about it when I signed up but as the day gets closer I find myself getting worried. What if I'm the worst one in the class? We'll see. I also don't know if the instructor is gonna be a yeller like Louis Gosset Jr. in An Officer and A Gentleman. There is a reason I never even toyed with the idea of joining the military. I really don't like to be told what to do. Which lets you know signing up for this bootcamp is a big leap for me. Also, I had to sign a contract that says I won't drink or eat junk food during the month of bootcamp. I can easily cut out junk food, but alcohol? I find myself getting thirsty just thinking about cutting it out. hahahahaha I'm sure it will be good for me. I'm hesitant to give up all alcohol, but at least it's just alcohol not coffee. Giving up coffee would be a deal-breaker for me. I'm on my second cup as I write this blog! Big, full day of running errands ahead of me so I'm gonna start my day. Happy Saturday!

Pimm's Cup

Last night while having drinks with friends I was convinced to try a new drink. I must say I really liked it. It was very refreshing and a little sweet. I was on my second drink before I asked the name of this delicious new beverage. Pimm's Cup. Pimm's is a type of gin. It was served with a little slice of cucumber. Yummy. I highly recommend it. I dug around and found the recipe for it, so here it is courtesy of The Food Network.

Ingredients

• Ice cubes
• 2 ounces Pimms Number 1 Cup
• 6 ounces ginger ale
• 2 ounces lemon lime soda or club soda
• 1/4 cup cucumber pieces or 1 cucumber spear

Directions

Put ice in a highball glass or mug. Add the Pimms and then the ginger ale and soda. Stir and garnish with cucumber. Serve.

The Case of the Missing Pooh!

Over the weekend I promised my friend De a bag of Mr. Bunny pooh. Before you get the wrong idea it is for her compost heap. Mr. Bunny has been doing his best to reduce his and my carbon footprint by providing excrement to friends who have compost heaps and need a good source of nitrogen. The two people who receive the majority of his gifts are my friend De and my neighbor Theresa. Well I hung out with De on Saturday and promised to leave a bag of pooh on my doorstep Sunday that she could pick up after church. Before I left for a day of KOCC debauchery I put the bag on my front porch. I did notice some yellow garbage bags out there as well. They were for the AmVets charity collection. I made sure my paper bag containing a double wrapped plastic bag was well away from those. When I returned home late that night all the bags were gone and I didn't think anything of it. Listening to my voicemails Monday morning I learned different. De came by and there was no bag. Hmmm that's odd. The only person I would imagine taking it is Theresa but I usually just hand her a bag not sit it on my porch. I have been waiting to ask her about it. Last night I got my chance. Turns out she left to go out of town right after she put the AmVet bags on the porch. As near as I can tell the AmVets people will get an unpleasant surprise when they open one of the bags they took. Ahhh, if I could just be a fly on the wall for that unveiling!

Randomness Thy Name is Wal Mart

Last night I decided to make a quick trip to Wal Mart. I know I should have super middle class ethical issues with their labor practices and so on, but when I'm in a hurry I know Wal Mart will have what I need. Plus even with their horrible labor practices I remember what a help it was financially to my small town when Wal Mart came to town. They employ a lot of people. So there.
Back to my story. I just need a short list of things. Ice cream, leave in conditioner, a book, and the ingredients for caprese salad. That's it. No more, no less, no muss and no fuss. Wrong! It all started in the parking lot and if I was smart I would have just gotten back in my car and put the foolishness off for another day. I park and step out of my car and a young underage worker whistles at me. I give him the "I am old enough to be your mama, if I slutted it up early on in high school look!" He gets a little embarrassed and quickly finds something else more interesting. The security guard who is 300lbs if he's an ounce and doesn't appear to be at the top of the securitizing game laughs and tells me I just "stole that boy's man hood". I shit you not, that's what he said to me. Strange, but whatever. I need my leave in conditioner. I'm cruising the isles doing a good job of not getting too many things I don't need right now and getting what I came for. Suddenly the fine hairs on the back of my neck stand up. I glance around and make eye contact with a migrant worker who is eye-balling me. I give him the blank face to discourage any conversation. I just need my conditioner. He says nothing and continues with the eye-balling. I go about my shopping and he follows me. Just to make sure I wasn't being paranoid I head to the feminine protection isle. If he follows there I know he is following and not just shopping. Oh he follows all right. He says nothing just follows and eyes me. Finally I can't take it anymore. I turn to him and ask what he wants. In broken English he asks me to have a drink with him. I tell him thanks, but no thanks. This should be the end. Nope, this is my life we are talking about and that would be too easy. I pick up tampons... Super Heavy Flow and wave them at him. He calmly hands me panty liners. What kind of fuckery. I want to laugh, but I don't want to encourage him. I throw the box in my cart and head off. He followed me almost the whole time I was there. I quickly head to the checkout 'cause I've had enough. The checker asks to see my ID because I'm purchasing alcohol. No problem... the picture is before my big chop so she squints at it for a while before handing it back to me. She then tells me I never should have destroyed such pretty hair. She is much older than me so instead of telling her to mind her f'ing business, I smile and say it will grow back. At this point I just want to leave. I pay for my purchases and rush home. While I'm putting my things away I notice two things. One, I bought a box of Super Heavy Flow tampons that are large enough to be used to stop a levee break (obviously not the size I use), and two..... no leave in conditioner.

Live Long and Prosper

I was finally able to see Star Trek last night. I loved it. I have been a Trekie for years, so I am already predisposed to enjoying the latest movie. It was fantastic. I thought it had just the right amount of camp to tie it into the original tv series and it was glitzed up a bit to make it modern. I have to confess that I was worried this movie would be a little like Star Trek the Next Generation. I liked that show, but I thought it was way too slick of an interpretation. It was very distanced from the original. The actors were outstanding and the show was well done, but it didn't really fit with the original show. People love the original series because it was campy and the acting wasn't always the best. This movie provided a good mix of campy and serious. I also have to mention that I have a new crush. The guy that played Spock, Zachary Quinto, hot hot hot. He and O'Hura were steaming up the bridge. Loved it! I will definitely add this to my collection when it becomes available. Happy Friday.

Things I Love

I am in a good mood this morning and feeling extra blessed. As I think about the things in my life I'm thankful for and blessed to have I feel the need to share. Here is a short list of things I love.

1. Life. I'm happy and blessed to be alive and healthy.
   
2. Family. Although my family can work my nerves like no one else, they also love me like no one else. I think there are some family members that I don't like very much, but I love them all. Loving is harder than liking.
3. Mr. Bunny. Love me some feisty bunny. Enough said!
4. Independence. I love that I have the right to choose my own path in life. I make choices that I feel are good for me and I'm not persecuted for them. Not every person and definitely not every woman has that right. So I'm thankful for the privilege.
5. Friends. I have been blessed to make and keep friends. I have friends that span the spectrum of liberal, conservative, race, gender, ethnicity (lot of people don't know that ethnicity and race are not the same), sexual orientation, religions. You get the picture. The common denominator in my friendships is me obviously! Actually the thing that ties all my friends together is that at their core, they are all good people. I recognize that not everyone has these types of relationships in their life so I'm grateful.
6. New Orleans. The city of New Orleans has some well-publicized problems. I'm not going to go into all of them it's enough to say that I am aware of them. I've lived here a long time. I often think the city is one of my friends that I'm so blessed to have. I love that I can find live music any night of the week. I love that there is a readily accessible art community. I am no kind of artist, but I am an admirer of art in most of its forms. I love that I can walk along magazine street with a tasty alcoholic beverage (in a plastic container of course) and not get hassled. I love that daiquiris are available in the movie theatre. I love that I can wear shorts 9 sometimes 10 months out of the year. Mardi Gras! I love that I live in a city that exposed me to things and situations that taught me true tolerance, acceptance and appreciation. Growing up in a conservative small town doesn't always prepare you for that.

This is definitely not a complete list. I was just feeling extra mushy today.

Hump Day Report

I went on a date last night. Yes, yours truly cleaned up a little and went 'a courtin'. The guy was really nice. I hate to say it, because its almost cliche but he was too nice. I like a little spice. You know? He is kind of a beta guy and I like alpha men. Nothing wrong with a beta, but I like 'em a little tougher. We went on a very casual outing. We got dinner at a sushi bar then hit up the theatre. We saw The Hangover which I highly recommend. It was freakin' hilarious. My stomach hurt from laughing when the movie was over. I will definitely add this to my movie collection when it comes to dvd. Also for any single ladies, this is where the boys are. We went to a relatively early show and I kid you not. There were about 10-13 women and probably 100 men in the theatre. I don't know about you, but those are very good odds. Now some of the men were in the definitely NO pile, but a good amount were viable options. The movie is definitely manly humor, but that's right up my ally.
Earlier in the day I had positive results to a set of experiments so I was on cloud 9. I felt like Hannibal from The A Team. "I love it when a plan comes together!" So my hump day report is that this week doesn't suck.

My Milkshake Brings All The Boys To The Yard

Wedding fever! I went to the wedding this weekend and it was great.
Edwin and Sarah looked so happy and in love. I wore the boobtastic
dress and it was well received. There was great music and an open bar.
I danced the night away. I think the dress worked a little too well
because at the end of the night a friend of mine who has a girlfriend
told my cleavage that he's had the hots for me since we met. Ahh
alcohol you elixir of truth, better known as horny sauce! I think I
played it well by smiling, nodding, then asking when my good friend
( his gf) was getting back in town. He took the hint. I did sneak into
the bathroom to snap a quick pick of the dress. Whatcha think?

The Clock Is Broken Again

I know this is the second post of today, but this has to be said. THE FRICKIN' CLOCK IS BROKEN. It has been in the 3 o'clock range for f'ing 2 hours. I want to leave. I can't take it anymore. I'm the only one here right now. I would leave if there weren't busy bodies watching. Uggghhh. I can't take it. And yes, I am overly dramatic. So what. I am ready to start my weekend. There is an indecently large glass of wine with my name on it, just waiting for me to kiss this place goodbye for the weekend. Ok. That's the end of my whine-fest. Happy Friday.

Girly Girl Night

Last night was a pretty laid back night for me. I showed my friend Alyson how to give herself a pedicure. I love going to the nail salon to get a spa pedicure, but whenever I'm low on funds nails are the first thing to go. I stopped getting acrylic nails and spa pedicures. Now I am forced to keep up with that stuff on my own. I own a spa foot soak tub and buying the footcare stuff was relatively cheap so it wasn't a big deal. I know I don't do as good a job as the ladies at the shop but it's free when I do it. My only problem is that I hate feet. I mean I'm happy my feet are functional and don't look like I could use them to catch fish from a lake, but I still think they are disgusting. I don't care how well manicured/pedicured feet are still nasty ass feet! I don't like my feet or anyone else's. I usually don't like people to touch my feet and I definitely won't touch anyone else's. I make an exception at the nail shop because when they finish I know my feet look as good as they ever will. I know it is craziness but it isn't going to change. I had an ex boyfriend who was in love with feet. He always wanted to massage my feet and touch them. We had to work out a foot schedule that basically worked out to he could handle my feet when I was too tipsy to care. I know once again craziness. With that said I am a fanatic about taking care of my feet. I think I go overboard making sure my feet are soft and toenails painted because I am so against feet from the jump. Sadly my poor friend thought it was gonna be one of those girly bonding nights were we did each other's toes and gossiped and watched tv. TV watching check! Gossip , whatcha know? Me touching someone else's feet? What you talkin' bout Willis? Once again I don't touch feet. After she finished laughing like a hyena we were able to get past it. Once the Lakeview Critic fell asleep on my couch and I wouldn't even touch her feet to take off her shoes. I just put a blanket on her to keep her warm. Ultimately it was a fun night we just both did our own thing. Also I made sure to give her a list ahead of time because I don't share foot stuff. Now she knows how to do it herself and will probably do it without me from now on. Personally I think that's how it should be.

We're Fugitives!

As I type this Mr. Bunny and I are ashamed to show our face in the neighborhood. I should say, I'm ashamed, Mr. Bunny is feeling no shame! So in my neighborhood Mr. Bunny is famous. First of all he is the only bunny on the block and I take him for walks on a leash. All the little kids love to come and pet him. He has stopped traffic on numerous occasions. For the past three years I've been loaning him out a few weeks before Easter to take pictures with my neighbor's children to send to their Grandma. Well what I've known all along and what my neighbors recently found out is Mr. Bunny has a darkside!! **gasp** He likes to attack other animals occasionally. He has never bitten a human as far as I know. He did try to pee on my ex-boyfriend the first time he met him. That was not only funny it turned out to be foreshadowing. Mr Bunny is still here almost-pee'd on boyfriend.. no longer around. You do the reasoning. He also attacked a friend's small dog. I am pretty sure this was done out of jealousy, because I was playing with the puppy. Once Mr. Bunny and I almost got "handled" by the Nation Guard. Don't have time to tell that story just know that it ends with me telling the machine-gun carrying guardsmen that "Me and Mr. Bunny are free Americans and can walk wherever we want", then picking up my fellow free American bunny and running like the hounds of hell were after us. Ahh good times. So this brings us to the reason for our fugitive state.
On Monday I was walking Mr. Bunny in the neighborhood when the previously mentioned neighbor-children came running up. They stopped to pet him as usual and the little girl even ran inside to get him a grape. She loves to feed him and he loves to eat it.. win-win situation. So the little boy brings over their brand new kitten. A really cute little black kitty that looks like it weighs about 2-3 lbs. I love cats so I make the appropriate oohs and ahhs. The kitty really is adorable. I should also mention that it was a really nice evening with a breeze and most of my neighbors were out in their yards. I don't know about other neighborhoods but it seems my neighbors like to be out in their yards with an alcoholic beverage in hand. Back to the story. The little boy puts the kitten on the grass in front of Mr. Bunny so he can meet it. Mr Bunny out of the blue lets out a "Rebel Yell" and attacks. (Most people would be shocked to learn that when appropriately pissed rabbits can growl. Not often and not usually but it is possible.) I was not paying attention so I dropped his leash. The poor kitten is running for her life and hissing as only felines can. Now I have take off at a mad dash to catch up to Mr. Bunny who has given chase. I barely caught him and that was only because he still had the leash trailing behind him. When I finally capture him and pick his protesting-ass up I'm winded and very embarrassed. My slightly tipsy across the street neighbor says in his thoroughly middle-class way "Look at that rabbit. It's like an attack rabbit!" At this point I'm trying not to make eye contact with anyone and pretending I don't hear the little girl asking her mom why Mr. Bunny was mean to "the baby kitty!" So now me and my attack bunny are hiding out. I'll take him for another walk this weekend but probably in the backyard or on another street.

Blah Tuesday

Clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right. Here I am, stuck in the middle with you! I watched Reservoir Dogs on Friday and I've been singing that song since then. I tried replacing it with my Whitney Houston Greatest Hits CD.. no luck. Usually Whitney will wipe out everyone else. Not this time. I need a new scrub song. I did replace it with Michael Jackson's PYT for about 2 hours on Sunday, but its back with a vengeance. So today I'm one of those people that hums a song and lets it spread like wildfire. I have already infected 3 additional people. It's worse than the Swine Flu I tell you! In fact after reading this, you'll probably hum it for a while. No need to thank me. It's my gift to you.
Saturday I went Outlet shopping and spent way too much money. Hopefully I won't need any new clothes for the next year. I guess I didn't spend any more than I would normally spend in a year of shopping the difference is that I spent it all in 1 day! I did find three beautiful dresses and now I must figure out which one I'll wear to Sarah's wedding on Saturday. One is a really pretty magenta colored sheath dress with a rounded collar. The second is a flirty spaghetti strap dress with a blue and white geometric design. The final dress is a black and white dress with an empire waist and floral design at the bottom. I've shown pictures to three different people and received three different opinions. Who am I kidding? I'm gonna wear the boob-tastic black and white dress with an empire waist. Gotta show the girls off while they still sit where I want them. I'm already 31 it won't be too long before they start moving south for warmer weather right? Anyway, I'll upload pictures of the three dresses either tonight or tomorrow.